formerlyIN

Cuntwart:

I can't say for anything is perfect, but I will tell you every person has a breaking point, and anger is a powerful emotion. I will tell you my door bell rang at 5:45 this morning, I went out to look through the peephole and didn't see anyone, nor did I feel compelled to open the door. If you know me well, then you know the phone number and you'll call if it's an emergency. Less than 1/2 a dozen people even know what state I live in, much less the address.

I WILL NOT go to an org willingly again, that's where you are wrong. I have had months of really reasearching ( comfortably) meeting others who have blown, and I've hit the point of what can they do to me now, that they haven't already done?! Ruined my relationship with my husband, check, blown my PI case, check, harrassed me, check, IF I ever end up at the org, it will not be voluntary and IF that happens, the one person I trust in life will make sure a firesafe will get to the authorities.

Anger and guilt arre usually useless feelings, in my case, very powerful, enpowering.


I wanted to add a P.S. after a little thought...I understand your reluctancy in taking me at face value of truly being done with the CoS, my husband has been there done that. I also had a long period of time during the discovery process where they stayed away, for their own reasons. This time gave me a little peace in my life. That's a pretty good feeling! Then they came back in balls to the walls. I felt like they had me, because of the job I took and what I did, but telling that, being willing to take my hits, makes me feel like they don't have a hold on me anymore. That's one of the reasons I wrote my story.

The claim I don't need meds to feel better, I can heal myself, and I dealt with so much pain. In the last month I went back to the doctor, got my meds and took them. I feel much better and my head didn't fall off, I didn't get cancer, nothing bad happened, ecept I'm in a lot less pain.

Please don't give me too much credit for knowing what I'm doing on the computer. To me, it's little more than a glorified word processor. I was worried when I signed in at ESK, that they would know where I was via IP addy. Who knows, you all sound so techy, maybe you do.

xenubarb

formerlyIN,

After reading your posts, I get a sense of where you're at right now, and that's ground zero. You're trying to put your life back together and are confronting an overwhelming flood of options. It sounds like you're in a fragile state. While I agree that the first thing that should be done is total disconnection from the cult, perhaps you're not strong enough yet to take on the other things; lawsuits, refunds, etc. These can be terribly stressful, and you've not yet found your feet out here in Wogville.

Take your time, build a network of friends. Ex-members here are incredibly generous; after all, they joined Scientology to help people. It's elronic that they are achieving this after going through the hell of Scientology and out the door. Chuck Beatty, OT8. Tory, OT7. They're putting that dedication and ability that got them up the bridge to helping people like you, and informing the rest so it won't happen to them.

Take your time. Reach out to the others who have gone this way before you. Making friends and getting to meet new people will help you gain strength and certainty.

When you feel ready to do it, take on the big things if you decide that's what you want to do. But take it slow, and ignore the assholes. You have to know that Scientology everywhere is feeling anonymous' sting. We're killin' 'em in the ratings! So now, more than ever, they are going to make an even more determined effort to get you, and whatever money you can scrape up, back to the org. This is why you absolutely must refuse all communication, they will use every mindwarping tool they have to guilt trip you, threaten you, entice you with false promises, anything to get you back.

And save any letters you get from them. They may prove useful some day when a Scientology spokesperson makes the false claim that "anyone can leave. Just walk away." We are exposing their lies as fast as they can make them, and this would help.

I know a woman who went back twice, 20 years apart. She forgot how bad it was until she returned the second time. I have the feeling she won't be doing another tour of duty, now that she's got her life back. And her story is one of probably thousands. There are more people out than were ever in at one time.

Relax, take your time. Remember, you and your family comes first. Be selfish for a while.
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GrogStat

Yes. Build up your network of friends & enjoy the company of people on the exscn.net & xenu.net forums.

I am sure you need to do what is best for yourself. But if you really want to take down scientology & you have docs the FBI would be interested, why sit on them? Make a couple of sets of copies for yourself & drop off a set at your local FBI branch.

Heck, we might like the copies too. But your safety is important.

Don't answer that question here. Either do it, or don't do it.

Proto

I'm sure you're safe posting here. Enturb staff are oldschool and not likely to get infiltrated.

Stay strong and stay safe!

The Enturbulator

Just my take....

First of all, welcome to the real world! Here, we won't pressure you for your money (and if ANYONE does, always be suspicious. We are glad you have blown, and people like you are the reason many of us (myself included) protest.

Your first husband seems like a real POS, but I'm withholding judgment about why your second husband left because I'm only getting one side of the story and there may be a lot more to it than was posted in the story. However, if he left you because of Scientology, maybe he didn't leave because of the CoS itself, but because you kept in contact with them. As has been said, CUT THEM OFF! Do not talk to them. There were many instances in your story where I was aggravated because you kept giving them a chance, even when you kept moving away from them. In that respect, I have sympathy for you but more for your ex-husband, to be honest. However, I've never been in this mind-fuck cult so no matter how hard I try, I cannot empathize with your situation.

Other than Magoo (you will not be wasting her time!), you may also want to talk to Arnie Lerma. He has a great tactic for defending oneself against "fair game." Just send him a PM, he will probably be more than happy to offer help and advice.

Thank you for sharing your story. It takes real guts to do what you did. I'll say a prayer for your injuries you suffered during the accident, and that the truth (and justice) will come out of your lawsuit. I wish you the best.

Mind Control Cults

travolta

FormerlyIN, congratulations on getting OUT!

Take care of yourself and your children. They'll be proud of you for getting away from the cult, once they understand what you've been through; I can promise you that.

Scientology is a Cult.

formerlyIN

Enturb:

Thank you. My first husband was an a$$, but I can't fault my second husband. He was never into SCN and he put up with me and the org for sooo long. My hope are, that I will get this long drawn out case over with. Then I will work hard on getting my head on straight in the real world, without SCN. Then maybe, if he see's that I'm truly out, we might have a chance again.

It's not me he doesn't love, it was my involvement and the never being able to escape the org! Telling what I did was a big liberator! Some may say I'm BS, but for me, that has been on my shoulders like the weight of the world. It's out there. I know what my next move is in regards to that ( not gonna post it) but I need to get rid of the injury case first.

The CoS says there is no depression, I will tell you on many occasions a real DR would have classified me as clinically depressed. Maybe even suicidal. I will also admit to something that I have not said out loud to now....

When I went to the DR about my injury for the meds recently, she said I seemed depressed. I went through a bit of what was going on with me, how I felt, (leaving out the SCN part so I wouldn't be institutionalized) and she prescribed me a mood stabilizer. It took about a week for me to take the first pill ( one a day) and she said it may take a few weeks to take effect, but that's one of my baby steps.

Ten Tigers

If you've ever taken birth control pills, you were regulating chemical balances in your body. If you've ever taken high blood pressure or low blood pressure pills, you were regulating chemical balances in your body. Hell, if you've ever drunk water and eaten food when your blood sugar was low, you were regulating chemical balances in your body. Now you are taking another medication to regulate a chemical imbalance in your body. It's a physical medication for a physical problem. No big deal.

No single drop of water thinks it is responsible for the flood.

AnonMomAnon2

you must stay away from the cult. you are so fragile right now and you need to take care of yourself.

one thing i would highly recommend that you do is to take whatever evidence you have against the cult to the fbi. you must protect yourself and your family in any way that you can. as a previous poster in this thread wrote: just do it. you don't have to tell us...just protect yourself.

email and/or call torymagoo! she'll help you in any way that she can.

take care of yourself and please keep us updated on how you're doing.

bleakanon

Oh great, I live very close to a base, and 68% of the military population here are families...I'll will keep my eyes open

Please keep yourself safe and remember that you do not need *them* as much as they need you. One less member is one more independent, free-willing individual, and that just pisses them off to no end.
And, hopefully, someday you will be able to help others get out, just as magoo has.

formerlyIN

Bleakanon:

Military personel are not allowed to join "groups" with the exception of religious orgs. They are "government property". Hell, I can tell you a funny story on how my daughter almost got an article 15 for a sunburn she got on a 4 day. She's very vocal against SCN because she lived though it with me. I've seen her boyfriend do 3 tours and he's a little messed up from that, so the military is the perfect prey for CoS.

She has told me of soldiers getting involved with SCN and taking out military loans , like Pioneer etc. to pay for their courses. Let me tell you, I did her taxes last year, and she makes no money. None of them do, but the CoS will take it all.

D...

Wow, that's quite the story. It's amazing how harmful CoS can be on somebody. I really hope you get your life together, and make sure you stay away from them. You've been though a lot, and I think you are incredibly strong for telling your story.

wait wat!? Their going after the military as well?

The Enturbulator

^D..., your avatar always cracks me up.

Just as Ten Tigers alluded to, there is nothing wrong with a person who is feeling depressed to take anti-depressants. Society has started to change its perception towards mental illnesses. People who needed any type of psychological help were considered "nuts" back in L. Ron Hubbard's day, but that perception has shifted because of the documented evidence that mental illnesses not only exist, but can be treated.

Look at schizophrenia and its effects. Being a psychologist, this mental illness gets my attention more than any other. The guy (I believe his name was Nathan Gale) who jumped on stage during a Damageplan concert and murdered Dimebag Darrell, as well as a few other people, stopped taking his medication for schizophrenia before he went on his rampage. Same thing with the Virginia Tech shooter. Anyway, my point is that regardless of what the Scilons preach, there is actual evidence that mental illnesses exist. Clinical depression is something that can be treated. My advice to anyone reading this who has been depressed for more than two weeks is to see a therapist if possible, and if needed, take anti-depressants.

Sorry about the rant. If you have any questions, just PM me.

Mind Control Cults

Sanjuricus

FormerlyIN, if you want a total stranger to vent at, PM me. I'm a good listener.

EastAnon

FormerlyIN, congratulations on returning to reality.

First. Call Tory. Please. She will NOT give you up, NOT let you down, she's the female Rick Astley.
You have to build some lifelines to people who know what it is like, and some to total strangers like us here. It is what can keep you strong.
I can understand being cautious about contacting the FBI, but it might be sensible to do, especially if you are involved in any of these crimes.
If CoS would show up at my door, they would be in serious trouble. I'd call 911 faster then they can say 'Lafayette Ron Hubbard', and i would do it in front of them. Wanna see cowards? Do that, and they'll run. Remember, police is not their friend.

Again, we're glad you're out! Enjoy

argh

Formerly,

I just read the op and your posts since. Anyone going through stuff like you have would be depressed! This is beside the fact that the Cult actually causes mental problems through their tactics.

I did a course of Antidepressants, and had some good talking therapy. I'm a million times better than I was. It doesn't fix it for good, but it does teach you how to keep it at bay. I'd ather fight my depression every day than pretend it doesn't exist and succumb to it.

I can tell that you are as much a fighter as your daughter (and she sounds great.) I'm not generally optimistic, but... somehow I think you'll be fine. You've got it sorted with some safely kept dox by the sound of it, and you have been pushed far enough by the cult that you have lost a great deal of the fear you had. That has made you stronger! :D

I do think you may be right, after the current turbulence, after you kick the Cult right off your doorstep (not literally, however much I like that image..) there is a good chance your husband (I'm glad you stopped refering to him as your 2D;)) will see that you are still the lady he married.

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formerlyIN

It really helps to know that people do understand. I'm not the first and unfortynately not the last to go through this. I just have to keep knocking down walls, and issues, one by one and taking it day by day. I can think too far in the future at this point. I will NEVER go into the org again.

AnonOutreach

A few things:

Firstly, BEFORE YOU WATCH THIS FIRST VIDEO have support available. Not all of it is applicable to your circumstances, but it does cojoin the abuse problems, particularly near the end.

It's going to be a hard slog. It will, however explain to you how you got into this and why it was so difficult to leave. Be kind to yourself. You were one person against a whole organization designed to extract your money and your allegiance.

There are those here who will not agree with me but I must tell you this.

I'm glad to see you're starting to get professional help. That doesn't mean medication, if you don't want it. You need a full assessment to determine why you were so compelled to repeat the same actions.

I see from your story, you were compelled [you use the word frequently] to return, over and over to CoS even though you knew it was not in your best interest. I am suspecting some form of traumatic stress disorder, possibly from your first marriage.

IMO you didn't return because you were stupid, or unaware or whatever, you were compelled to return TO MAKE IT BETTER. That is what humans do. We try to fix ourselves, or our circumstances. CoS took advantage of that. Your sense of hope threw you back into the lions den, hoping this time you could tame the lions, over and over again.

That is why I want you to seek professional help as well as ex Sci support. You can change the patterns. Because it CAN be better.



YouTube - To SeaOrg Members--Building a World without Abuse

Secondly, Get Gavin DeBecker's "Gift of Fear" it will help you to deal with your present circumstances. The second video is based on some of his premises.
YouTube - Tutorial: Deal with Harassment/Stalking/Fair Gaming

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Invasion Imminent. Phasers on STUN

AnonOutreach

Thanks for the rant. I'm glad some of us are saying it.

With today's SPECT scans, a neurologist can even see *what* is not chemically firing off correctly. And after meds--can *see* if the medication is targeting the correct synaptic relay systems. Unfortunately, due to cost, SPECTs haven't come into common usage yet and so, medical professionals still have to rely on symptoms for the most part.

It's no longer speculation that chemical imbalances exist. It's provable science.

Also, most people are not aware that during times of low stress or good stress or in some circumstances, some symptoms of mental struggles may be controllable or not noticeable. Some highly functioning and/or resilient individuals can overdrive or overcompensate certain mental health struggles during easier periods.

My bottom line is this.

When a person is struggling, anything that can be done to help them jump the hurdles of life is not a 'quick fix" it's a necessity and a decision to be made between them and their health care providers.

Medication or psychotherapy is a *choice*

CoS wants to take our choice away. They don't have that right.

Ancient Order of Retired Marcabian Fleet Captains.
Invasion Imminent. Phasers on STUN

monamia

I too heartily recommend "Gift of Fear."
Must read.
And, take your medicine. Depression can be managed, with help from an experienced professional who keeps up in his field. We are each different. No two the same, so the logic of sciento just is non-existent. There is no one-size-fits-all treatment. No one true path. The Enturbulator speaks the truth.
Best.